just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
