Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
