You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
