That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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