oh god the rape fog is back!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i have two assholes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
