So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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