there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
