man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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