pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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