Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
