so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
