The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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