I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
