all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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