those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
