we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
