I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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