I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
