if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
