I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am mentally ready for anal.
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