ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
