you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize