apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
