Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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