Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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