I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
