Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
