Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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