the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
