one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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