Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I could fuck to npr.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize