Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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