I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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