So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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