dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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