put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nicole vs. Life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
