Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
