He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish you could order shots online.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He felt like a one man threesome
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
