We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
