i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
