I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
