I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
