i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
