if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
