The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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