So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
