WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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