is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
