We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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