This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
