that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize