we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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