You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
