Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
