Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
