I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
