apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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