My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
