I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
