last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
