dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
