i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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