It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
