i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
