he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This toilet bowl is my home.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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