My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Come on in and take your pants off
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