Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
