Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
