Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
