Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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