She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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