you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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